Alex McDermott (ajm4) wrote,
Alex McDermott

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The Thin Red Line

Well, it's that moment - due to chronic absentmindedness, I have just taken a red pen and a ruler and crossed out my final examination (the title, fairly obviously I'd assume, is not about WWII in the Pacific).

So, my last examination (if I've done a lot right, ever) has now been taken. It's one of those funny things - as soon as they began I couldn't wait for them to over, but now that they are, I'm already feeling at a little bit of a loss time-wise. I have three months of sitting and staring at this screen ahead of me.
Going in to take the exams did provide some opportunities for socialising which are now gone, but never mind.

It really is now all over - and as my mammoth post from the end of last term revealed, that's not exactly something I'm ecstatic about. But now, it feels even more final and even more sad - there's no more dismissing lost opportunities with a 'there's always next time' attitude. There is no more 'next time' for me as far as the University of Kent goes.
It was one of those 'comfort zones', as our cousins across the Atlantic say - even if I said it was all over, at least part of me realised there was something left to come, retained some hope. Now, there seems to be none.
All my notes bearing the names of my current friends and teachers are now bound for the loft, to join their fellows from institutions and years past.
I wonder, looking back in say ten years, just exactly what I'll make of my time at university. I can't imagine who I'll still be in touch with, due to the (some would say frankly amazing) achievement of making no new friends (well, I made some, but we're losing touch already), and going on my probable degree outcome, I'm hardly going to fob it off as a time of 'intellectual growth', or some other such nonsense.
A lot of people are going out celebrating in Canterbury tonight, and I wish them a good time, but I just don't have the energy/inclination - which makes me sad, because it really seems as if my university career will end with a whimper.

Ah well.
I now have some rather personally important decisions to make, and a lot will depend on my mood; going on it currently, this does not bode well.

Then, in three months, Germany, but not before I turn 22 - things really are changing at an astounding and uncomfortable rate.
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